I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
