Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
