I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize