I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm bleeding and have questions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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