Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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