How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
