I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
