The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
