Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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