This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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