The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
