Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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