The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
