How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
