I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
