giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
