for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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