Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
