I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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