I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
false alarm, still single
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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