Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
