This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
