This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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