youre lurking in front of me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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