Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
