He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
