You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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