I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
