I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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