Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
