I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize