I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
