why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
