brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
