The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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