We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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