idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
