Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
