I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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