In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
