i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
