and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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