Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
