Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
