1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
