Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
