Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
