Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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