Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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