I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
