This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
