he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
