I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
