I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
