we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize