Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
