Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
