i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
