I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
