i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
