alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
