I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
