He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
