She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
