He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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