Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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