If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
