The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
