my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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