Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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