i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
