don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
