I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
